01. Woodland Critter Christmas

Hail Satan! Was there ever any doubt this’d be near the top? Take one part Christmas cheer, two parts cute woodland critters, add splashes of blood and orgies (sometimes at the same time), sprinkle with Satanic powers, twist in some abortions, and top with one confused Stan. From the first minute to the last, this one’ll make you gasp. I present to you, discerning consumers, the finest Christmas special ever to feature the sacrificial slaughter and consumption of a cute critter. Watch this episode.

Fox’s Favorites:

02. Cherokee Hair Tampons

Even if I discounted all the humor in this episode, it’d still be in my top twenty for the sweetness of Stan’s efforts to save Kyle. Once you add in the humor - Butters being made into a living card for Kyle, “Indians” voiced by Cheech and Chong, and Cartman refusing to give up a kidney, even when it’s out in his hand - this one shoots right up to the top tiers of my list. Watch this episode.

01. Fat Butt and Pancake Head

Even though “Bennifer” is not in the general lexicon anymore, this episode’s still a clear winner. Yes, one could argue that it’s yet another “Cartman hatches a bizarre plot” episode, but this one’s special. Through this whole thing, it’s unclear as to whether not this actually is Cartman’s plot, whether or not he’s in control. The gags are memorable, the songs are singable, the stereotypes are spot-on. It’s a fun ride, and Cartman’s last line makes me bust out laughing without fail. Every. Single. Time. Watch this episode.

As I promised, I’ll leave you with the original lists of the ten most disturbing episodes that Crane and I came up with separately. Until next time!

Crane’s Ten

10. How to Eat with Your Butt
09. Two Guys Naked in a Hot Tub
08. Cow Days
07. Cartman Joins NAMBLA
06. Tonsil Trouble
05. Mr. Garrison’s Fancy New Vagina
04. The Return of Chef
03. Butters’ Very Own Episode
02. Woodland Critter Christmas
01. Scott Tenorman Must Die

Fox’s Ten

10. Erection Day
09. The Return of Chef
08. Good Times with Weapons
07. Lil’ Crime Stoppers
06. Red Sleigh Down
05. Imaginationland
04. Butters’ Very Own Episode
03. Scott Tenorman Must Die
02. Woodland Critter Christmas
01. Mr Garrison’s Fancy New Vagina

02. Scott Tenorman Must Die

If you haven’t seen this episode, I don’t want to ruin the ending for you. If you have, you remember what happens and don’t need any rehashing. Suffice to say that Cartman is scammed and he goes all out to get revenge. When people talk about South Park, this is the episode revered in sliding whispers; this is the evidence of Cartman’s unique evil; this, my friends, this! Is one of the greatest episodes ever made. Enjoy. Watch this episode.

Fox’s Favorites:

04. Christian Rock Hard

I really didn’t plan this, but today feels a bit like “Cartman’s Greatest Hits”. Anyway, it’s hard to go wrong with sexually suggestive songs about Jesus, but when you throw Token and Butters into the mix, along with a B-plot involving the other three mains learning about the horrors of music piracy, this episode hits a great high and coasts along beautifully. Plus, I love the outcome of Cartman and Kyle’s bet. Watch this episode.

03. Casa Bonita

Augh, the top three are all so good! Uploading this image, I was taken by the urge to change my list and put this one at the top. I had to look back and remind myself of what my top two choices were, reaffirm that this really is only number three. Kyle chooses three friends to take to Casa Bonita with him to celebrate his birthday: Stan (natch), Kenny (good choice), and… Butters. Needless to say, Cartman hatches a twisted plan to get him there in Butters’s place, and when things get out of hand, he just keeps digging deeper and deeper. The boys are all in character, the plot’s surprisingly plausible, and the scenario just gets funnier as it goes on. Pretty close to a perfect episode. Watch this episode.

03. Mr. Garrison’s Fancy New Vagina

This one’s a trifecta of disturbing: the live action footage, the results of the various plastic surgeries, and the ultimate fate of Mr. Garrison’s balls. Believe it or not, seeing Mr. Garrison as a woman really isn’t unsettling once you’ve seen what happens to Kyle and his dad. It’s an all-around festival of discomfort, and I’ve never had a funnier squirm. Watch this episode.

Fox’s Favorites:

06. The Death Camp of Tolerance

The boys suffer due to the idiocy of adults, Mr. Garrison really steps up his perversion a notch, we meet Mr. Slave and Lemmiwinks, and there’s a fantastic Mexican joke courtesy of The Museum of Tolerance. Parker and Stone are the humor kings. Watch this episode.

05. Cartman Joins NAMBLA

“Liar!” you cry. “You said these were your favorites that aren’t on the disturbing list, Fox!” Wait. I can explain. When I made my list of favorites, I was working off of my list of disturbing episodes. I had no idea what selections Crane was making. So, he ended up ranking high an episode that wasn’t on my list at all, but was instead one of my favorites. This is also why Good Times with Weapons (watch it!) isn’t among my favorites - it was on my disturbing list. Regardless, can you really complain about seeing this episode again? It’s a true classic. Watch this episode.

04. Butters’ Very Own Episode

A list? Let’s. Infidelity, sexual acts observed by a minor, psychosis, attempted murder, attempted suicide, and one fucking creepy road. It’s like a rolling ball of disturbing, picking up speed and growing as it goes. Butters, dude, I’m sorry, but… damn. Just… wow. Watch this episode.

Fox’s Favorites:

08. The Simpsons Already Did It

The plotline mentioned in the title is good, but the story with the usual three is better. The main joke plays with confusing SeaPeople, a version of SeaMonkeys, and semen. Low-brow, maybe, but hilarious, and they take it so far that you can’t help but laugh with either mirth or squirming discomfort. Watch this episode.

07. The Losing Edge

I admit it - I love Randy. He’s a goldmine. This might be my favorite iteration of his melodramatic crazy. Plus, check out Kenny! Kick ass, dude! Watch this episode.

05. The Return of Chef

Keep in mind the back-story to this one while you watch it. Most of the details are unclear, but the basic gist is that Isaac Hayes, the voice of Chef and a Scientologist, objected to the episode Trapped in the Closet, which was basically 20 minutes of (brutally honest, absolutely hilarious, and completely deserved) bashing on Scientology. Parker and Stone said, “Bite me,” or more accurately, “Everything should be fair game,” and pointed out that he wasn’t complaining when they slammed other religions. Hayes quit. Parker and Stone wrote him out in the best, most disturbing way imaginable. Watch this episode.

Fox’s Favorites:

10. Super Best Friends

Speaking of taking shots at religion… This one’s notable for two big reasons: it includes an image of Muhammad and it’s the precursor to Trapped in the Closet. Honestly, Blainetologists? The books? How did no one get a comparison to Scientology with this? Even if you don’t see it, it’s still an expertly executed bodyslam to religious cults and very funny to boot. Watch this episode.

09. Fun with Veal

Random fact: Dorn is wearing a Pasadena City College sweatshirt in this episode. I lived about a block away from PCC when I was going to Caltech and regularly visited their flea market and made fun of the place. Okay, so maybe I’m biased by how much that little shirt makes me giggle, but this episode’s a great one regardless. Calf curling? Cartman farting on Kyle’s face? Stan’s sores? I rest my case. Watch this episode.

06. The Imaginationland Trilogy

Terrorists attack our imagination, which then runs wild, and the result is a bloody, horrific mess. It’s like watching snuff fanfiction of your favorite childhood characters. Visceral and surprisingly effective, it gets the point across and warps your fragile little mind in the process. Beyond the disturbing factor, the trilogy is just damn good and should be watched by everyone who even marginally likes South Park. Watch this episode: Part 1, Part 2, and Part 3

Fox’s Favorites:

12. Guitar Queer-o

I’m a sucker for Stan and Kyle episodes, and this is one of the best. In fact, the whole conflict of the story comes from our resident super best friends breaking up. The scene with both of them at the bowling alley actually made me “awwww” out loud. The spot-on Guitar Hero parodying doesn’t hurt, either. Watch this episode.

11. Manbearpig

Unwarranted? Maybe a little. Stupid? Maybe a little more. But it cracks me up every time, from the rock formations in the cave, to Al Gore being “super cereal”, to Cartman’s lust for treasure. All around greatness. Watch this episode.

07. Red Sleigh Down

Now picture Santa getting shocked in the balls. Having trouble with that one? Don’t worry. This episode will show you what that would look like. It’ll also show you the reindeer dead after being shot out of the sky, Jesus and Santa taking down Iraqis with guns, and a giant train made of feces. It’s an all around twisted twenty minutes. Watch this episode.

Fox’s Favorites:

14. Asspen

This episode hits numerous eighties movie cliches with its A-plot - being antagonized by the rich douche, saving the rec center, having to choose between the hot bitch and the cute nerd; it even has a montage. On top of that, the B-plot manages to be satirical and funny without involving any of the boys. Nicely done, guys. Watch this episode.

13. Make Love, Not Warcraft

You may have noticed that I have an ass where my face should be adore video games. I’m not even a WoW player, but this one’s so good and slips in so many truths about addicted gamers that it’s impossible not to love it. Watch this episode.

08. Tonsil Trouble

Let’s not beat around the bush - this is the episode you always knew would happen. Kyle gets AIDS. The less expected twist would be that it’s Cartman who gets it first and purposefully gives it to Kyle. Just… just let that idea sink in. Not cool, Cartman. Not cool. Watch this episode.

Fox’s Favorites:

16. The Red Badge of Gayness

I am STILL pissed off that s’more schnapps doesn’t actually exist. You’re passing over a goldmine, liquor barons, a goldmine! Watch this episode.

15. Raisins

Contrasting with today’s disturbing choice, here’s an episode I didn’t expect to happen. In the first scene, Bebe informs Stan that “Wendy breaks up”. What follows is Stan’s rapid descent into depressed gothdom, balanced by Butters falling for a girl named after a car who shows off her “raisins”. This episode even manages to throw in a monologue given by Butters that is simultaneously appropriate and quotably wise. Watch this episode.

09. Lil’ Crime Stoppers

The boys take playing cop very seriously. When asked about a missing pie, their theory involves the temptation of forbidden fruit leading to a plan for murder, complete with a very thorough and very nauseating method of corpse disposal. And then, when promoted to actual junior detectives and given assignments, it only gets worse. To be fair, they maintain a surprising amount of innocence through the whole thing. Whether that makes it better or worse is up to you. Watch this episode.

Fox’s Favorites:

18. Ike’s Wee Wee

This one boils down to two points of awesome: the boys think circumcision involves chopping off the penis, and when you rub the fireman’s helmet, he spits in your eye. Plus, Ike’s always fun. Watch this episode.

17. Helen Keller! The Musical

Less about humor (though there is, of course, plenty) and more about love. If you can watch this and not cheer when Gobbles returns just in time, you don’t have a soul, you goddamn ginger. Watch this episode.

I was thinking about what makes South Park so special and I couldn’t get past how disturbing it often is. Thus, this list was born - the top ten most disturbing South Park episodes. Crane and I made our lists separately and then combined them with a simple point system to determine our final picks. In the last installment, I’ll post our lists just for the record. As a bonus feature, I’m also including my top twenty favorite episodes, two a day, that aren’t on the disturbing list (with one exception).

Today’s episode, number ten on our countdown is…

10. Cartman Joins NAMBLA

In case you didn’t know, NAMBLA is the North American Man Boy Love Association. But somehow, that on its own isn’t enough. No, it’s the subplot that really puts this one over the top. On one hand, we have Cartman coming dangerously close to getting molested by older men and dragging the other boys down the same path, and on the other? We have Kenny trying to prevent his mom from having another kid to the point of trying to make her miscarry and instead causing his father to spew shit, puke, and blood, often in rapid succession. If one doesn’t get to you, the other will. Watch this episode.

Fox’s Favorites:

20. The New Terrance and Phillip Movie Trailer

From Tugger’s attempted suicide to Chef’s TV to the problem with going to Butters’s house, everything in this episode is gold. Watch this episode.

19. Le Petit Tourette

I could give a lot of reasons why I love this episode, all very valid, I assure you, but I have to be honest here - the reason this one’s on the list is because of Craig. If everyone else found him as funny as I do, I’d be so happy… Watch this episode.